I do horrible drawings 3

I’m going to draw, and I’m going to write, even if it sucks ass.

So let’s get to sucking that ass.

Yes, I haven’t posted in months. Do I regret it? Yes. Do I have excuses? Yes. Do I have good excuses? No. Am I asking questions to stall? Perhaps. How can you stall when you are writing? Not sure.

 

I would make some bad excuse like, “UGh I’ve been soOO busy!” But honestly, I really haven’t been that busy. I’m taking easy, senior-spring-semester classes, I only have 1 extra curricular activity, and the majority of my time is taken up re-watching documentaries I’ve already seen and binge-watching Grace and Frankie.

 

So what gives? Why haven’t I posted anything? Well, it seems that I’ve been unhappy for a long time. And for me, being unhappy and being unmotivated to do anything except getting out of bed in the morning go hand in hand.

 

I started to think about what makes me happy and motivated (besides my girlfriend, elbow pasta, and Grace and Frankie). I realized that in the past couple months, what I have wanted to do the most, what I have been motivated to do, is make art and write random shit. But I didn’t do either. Why? I started to feel like I had no talent at either; that I wasn’t good at writing, I wasn’t good at drawing, so what’s the point?

 

And then I remembered something the amazing Bob Ross once said (and by “remembered”, I mean I googled “Bob Ross quotes”): “Talent is a pursued interest. Anything that you’re willing to practice, you can do.” So fuck my toxic inner voice. Fuck being depressed. I’m going to draw, and I’m going to write, even if it sucks ass.

 

So let’s get to sucking that ass.

 

nicole

Believe it or not, I actually made this as a gift for my friend Nicole’s birthday (she’s on the left, her friend Patricia is on the right). Like, I created this with the intent of it being viewed as a gift. Well, it could’ve been better, but it also could’ve been worse, so that’s something! I apparently have taken my “I cant comprehend proportions/depth perception” mindset a step further by completely ignoring their rather large height difference while also miscalculating the distance between them, causing me to make Nicole’s bodice twice it’s actual size.

On this topic of proportions, I messed up the distance between the sides of their heads and their glasses, which forced me to make their eyes literal slits; Nicole’s teeth in this are larger than her eyes. But, like my man Bob Ross said, “We don’t make mistakes, just happy little accidents.” I guess the arm I gave Patricia that is an elephant-trunk-flaccid-peen arm is a “happy accident”!

comparison
Can you spot the difference?

 

On a positive note, peep those hair details (including the pop of color with my new colored pens I bought specifically for these drawings), Nicole’s freckles, the shadow under her nose, and the huge effort I put into filling in their sweatshirts.

eugi

This one of my friend Eugi is probably the worst out of this batch of pictures. Sorry, Eugi. I put so much effort into the teeth that they just look like they belong on a model-skull for a high school anatomy class. I also tried so hard to get the nose right and it ended up just looking like a small woodland mushroom. I gave her a double chin as well, which she doesn’t have in the picture (or in general) so I don’t know what that’s about.

As you all know, hands are my biggest weakness when it comes to drawing, and with this picture it is no different. I really wanted the hands to look good this time, so I spent a long time on one of them (can you guess which one?). I was focused so hard on getting the fingers and the watch right that I forgot about depth perception and proportions (again). Can you guess at what point I got frustrated and just gave up? (Hint: the hand on the left). But honestly, the shirt and elephant designs are really not that bad. Eat your heart out Lilly Pulitzer.

Janet

This is one of those ones that the drawing really looks like the person it is supposed to look like while also really not looking like them at all. You can tell that this drawing is supposed to be Janet while simultaneously thinking, “that is not what Janet looks like.” But it somehow captures her (and Scrappy’s) spirit. Sure, I drew her eyes super far apart so her face is reminiscent of a fish. Sure, her teeth look like dentures. Sure, the proportions are wrong (there is so much empty space on her face??). BUT SOMEHOW IT LOOKS LIKE HER??? Also, Scrappy looks great if I do say so myself.

woman and me

Finally, we have this amazing piece of my mother and I. I kinda feel bad about this one: I literally made my mom look like Jabba the Hutt. The hair is wrong, the wrinkles are much too over-pronounced, and the nose looks like a recorder.

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Weirdly similar, am I right?

The hand is just atrocious. You would think that the aspect I put the most focus and effort into would come out looking the best, right? Instead, it looks like one of those wax hands you can get a fairs that melted a little bit (for future reference, don’t Google image search “melted wax hand” because all you get is a fucking terrifying stock photo).

Halloween theme: on the hand wearing a candle and dripping melted wax on black isolated background
Literally what the fuck.

The drawing I did of myself is not that much better. I somehow made my chin five sizes too big, gave myself hair that looks like uncooked spaghetti, and a nose that looks like the end of a stalk of celery. I was struggling to find positives about this drawing, until I noticed the little details that seem to save every piece: the mole on my neck, the bags under my eyes, and my mom’s scarf tassels.

 

Thanks to this post and these drawings, I’ve been happier and laughing more in the past couple of days than I have in a long time. Like my man Bob Ross said, “I can’t think of anything more rewarding than being able to express yourself to others through painting [editor’s note: let’s pretend he said “drawing”]. Exercising the imagination, experimenting with talents, being creative; these things, to me, are truly the windows to your soul.” Thank you, Bob, for the encouragement from beyond the grave. My window is open for business. So please, if you would like me to draw you (or sculpt! or paint! or make out of macaroni and glue!) please let me know, because this is what keeps me going and happy in an unhappy time of my life. You guys, like Bob, can make me happy.

 

With that, I’m off to watch Storage Wars and eat Oreos (#happyhealthyvegan).

I Do Horrible Drawings 2

~~~~art~~~~

Ok guys, I know it has been a minute since I posted last. But you know what? I needed a break! And by ‘break’ I mean a time I dedicate to applying to jobs because I am graduating in 5 months and need a job ya feel? But now, I am back doing things that make me happy, which means I am back at it again with the bad drawings (is the “back at it again” meme still relevant?).

Now before we get to the ~art~, there is something that I have noticed. It almost seems like I am getting better?? At drawing?? Not a lot better or anything, but I am seeing definite improvement. The drawings are still godawful, but there is a slight hint of resemblance between the people I am drawing and the art that I produce. I feel like I capture their vibe kinda? I’m hesitant to say it looks like the person I’m drawing because I don’t want to offend any of these people who I like and know.

I have bittersweet feelings about this slight improvement. On the one hand, it is nice to practice doing something and see results! I am getting better at drawing! Who knew that putting in time and effort would yield positive progression of a skill? But it kinda sucks to see improvement because I feel like the worse the drawings are, the funnier they are. The good news is, I’m not that much better so the drawings are still funny.

bae

Let’s start off by saying this is a picture of me and my love, Rachel. I love her very, very much. So, Rachel: I’m sorry your body proportions look like those of a manatee and your hair looks like you got plugs. But to be honest, the right side of Rachel’s face looks pretty accurate. Sure, the teeth are the same size as her eyes, but the drawing as a whole does capture her essence. I, on the other hand, look like a statue of early man from the Museum of Natural History. In my defense, the jawline used to look normal, but I had made it a bit too chiseled so I tried to round it out. But now it just looks like I have a beard, a banana for lips, and toothbrush bristles for hair.

“Why didn’t you draw in the sides of your glasses?” Rachel asked me.

“Because you can’t see them in the real picture,” I responded. Obviously that was the logical way to go: free-floating circles on my face. ~~~~art~~~~

Continue reading “I Do Horrible Drawings 2”

I Do Horrible Drawings 1

I would describe my style as “Napoleon Dynamite’s promposal picture”.

Hello friends! Today, I am going to be starting a new series on my blog about an activity I really enjoy.

That activity is drawing! I love to draw. It feels like I get to be creative after long hours of academic research and studying. What I can draw is limitless; I feel like a little kid again. Crayons, colored pencils, pen: they all get me going. I go cray for cray pas.

And I can draw anywhere, any time: Airplane? Just give me a napkin and pen, and I’ll create a masterpiece drawing of the man sitting next to me. Relaxing at home? Printer paper and colored pencils I kept from high school can create an awesome forest scene complete with the sun wearing sunglasses (I cant be the only one). Pooping? Drawing pad app gets the job done as I get the job done. Driving? Maybe not.

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No, a five year old didn’t draw this. I did five minutes ago.

There is a catch: I’m not the best drawer. Actually, I’m pretty awful. I would describe my style as “Napoleon Dynamite’s promposal picture”.  I love to draw, but the drawings never come out how I picture them in my mind. It’s like I tell my hand to do one thing, but it goes rogue and does something completely different. The shapes and color combinations I see in my head never quite translate how my brain visualizes. Circles become ovals, hands become clubs or demon claws, and people I love become scary malformed witches.

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I take a lot of inspiration from Napoleon, as you’ll see.

It becomes especially apparent when I draw people, which happens to be my favorite thing to draw. My friends, and myself, think they’re actually pretty funny. So why not put myself out there on the internet for other people to laugh at? The important thing is that my art brings joy and laughter, even if it is because of how unfortunate and awry my drawings go.

So here they are in all their glory. (Keep this in mind: I really am trying to replicate the photos when I draw. I don’t mean to make them bad/weird looking/make my friends look like creatures from the Lord of the Rings).

Continue reading “I Do Horrible Drawings 1”

A Short Tribute to Mr. Adams

The story may revolve around rabbits, but it has taught me more about bravery, friendship, home, death, and the true meaning of life than any story about humans I have encountered.

Yesterday, Richard Adams died. Many might not know who he is, and his death might be overshadowed by Carrie Fisher’s extremely sad passing.

 

But my sadness lies primarily with Mr. Adams. He changed my life without me ever meeting him. His words in the famous “Watership Down” helped me through depression and even through high school (that’s when you know something is seriously helpful). I read this book at least twice per year, and every time I read it, I learn more about the world around me and about myself.

 

“Watership Down” is an adventure story about rabbits. Whenever I try to explain what it is about, it’s hard to truly encapsulate the many messages put forth by Mr. Adams. The story may revolve around rabbits, but it has taught me more about bravery, friendship, home, death, and the true meaning of life than any story about humans I have encountered. Each time I read it, I am overwhelmed by a sense of serenity, as though it is helping me exist in this dangerous, scary world. Continue reading “A Short Tribute to Mr. Adams”

A Rant About Finals

I’ve had 3 panic attacks in the span of 3 days.

 

This is not going to be very structured or intelligent, but I don’t have the brainpower for that right now.

 

Why, you ask? Well, it is finals week! It is the week where my intelligence and self-worth is determined by having exams and final papers in all of my classes in the span of 4 days.

 

I’ve never understood this set-up of showing what I have learned throughout the semester. How am I supposed to put 100% of my effort and knowledge into studying for an exam for a class, or writing a 15 page final paper, when I have 5 tests and papers due within 2 days of each other? I could have definitely performed better on so many tests that I have taken and so many papers I have written, but I was incapable of giving any more energy or time than I did. I was too busy studying for all of my other tests and writing all of my other papers to do any more than I did.

 

And forget about treating myself like a human being. I get 4 hours of sleep per night. I eat exclusively sugar and grease. I have my period, and I have horrible cramps and back pain. But I can’t think about that, so I pop Aleve and sit in the same uncomfortable position for 12 hours straight, and I get angry at myself because I have to get up for 10 minutes to change my fucking tampon because that is 10 wasted minutes of study time. I get mad at myself for being hungry because that means I have to abandon my space in the library and give up a precious 30 minutes where I could have been studying. I get mad at myself when I sleep in until 9:30 because I could’ve been studying, I could’ve been writing, I could’ve been productive, I don’t deserve to sleep. God forbid I take a break to watch a YouTube video or check my phone, because if I do I feel such guilt and dread the entire time that I panic and immediately get back to work.

Continue reading “A Rant About Finals”

I’ve Known Since I was 5: An LGBTQ+ Stereotype

One of the most damaging stereotypes about being LGBTQ+ is the belief that all LGBTQ+ people know from a young age that they are LGBTQ+.

One of the most damaging stereotypes about being LGBTQ+ is the belief that all LGBTQ+ people know from a young age that they are LGBTQ+.

While this is often true for many people, it’s not for others. Many people (both LGBTQ+ and cisgender heterosexual) believe this idea wholeheartedly, and it actually invalidates many queer and trans* experiences; it can even lead to people invalidating their own identities because they didn’t discover this identity or part of themselves until later in life.

rainbow
Double Rainbow.. all the way

As a young kid, I didn’t think about sexuality or gender in any way. I was just being me. I was a “tomboy,” but to me that was just who I was. Attraction and gender didn’t even enter my mind; I was too busy playing Runescape and worrying about whether Harry would defeat Voldemort (spoiler: he does). When sexual attraction did enter my life, I was attracted to men. This is still true, but it turns out that I am also attracted to women. But, did I know this in middle school or high school? Not at all. I was so oblivious to my sexuality; I assumed all girls had a crush on Katara from Avatar: the Last Airbender, dreamed about dating Emma Watson, and felt tingly when hugging girls and boys. Looking back, I was so, so, so bi. But I didn’t know.

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Me in the black shirt with the attached tie. Soooo queer. So unaware of it.

Continue reading “I’ve Known Since I was 5: An LGBTQ+ Stereotype”

Tofu Scramble: A Vegan Delight

But, life goes on. We try. I try. And I make Tofu Scramble.

Ok, so the last couple weeks’ posts have been pretty serious and heavy. Well, this week isn’t any different.

 

This week, we are talking about eggs.

 

As a vegan, the one food I really miss is egg. I get so nostalgic just thinking about waking up in the morning before school and smelling the scrambled eggs cooking, or the delicious smell of butter and fried eggs at the greasy diner I would go to with my friends (even though I would always get a stomach ache after eating there).

egg-sandwich-300x200
You can feel the heartburn just looking at this.

Nothing I can eat now really replaces egg. I can make veggie burgers that would fool the most devout meat eater. I can make a vegan cake so moist you’ll wonder how I did it without cow juices. I can create the fudgiest, most perfect brownies out of beans. You can’t even imagine what I can do with a sweet potato. I’m pretty much redefining a creation story over here; Genesis can’t compare to what I can do with a zucchini, some soy milk and a spice rack.

 

Fried, scrambled, poached, hard-boiled, soft-boiled, sunny side up: these are descriptors of such a unique and amazing food item that even I can’t recreate it.

 

But, life goes on. We try. I try. And I make Tofu Scramble. Now, some vegans like to say that this is, “just as good as scrambled eggs” and that, “it tastes just like eggs!” This is false. It does not taste like eggs. Not at all.

easy-scrambled-tofu-fb
Photo from forkandbeans.com

But it is still tasty. Just because Tofu Scramble doesn’t taste like scrambled eggs doesn’t mean that it doesn’t taste damn good! (Especially the way I make it).

Continue reading “Tofu Scramble: A Vegan Delight”