I do horrible drawings 4: Pride Edition

Hello to my non-existant readers!! How have you been? Probably anxiously awaiting the next installment to this series.

I’ve been alright, thanks for asking. Besides my almost constant anxiety and depression and my intense gender confusion, I’ve been alright. I graduated college, I’m living with my mom, I’ve started working as a real professional ~writer~, and I’m in therapy. Fun stuff.

This month has been especially fun because it is PRIDE MONTH! Rainbows and queers galore. I went to Boston Pride with one of my best friends, and it was great. Being around so many of my people made me feel so validated and happy.

I thought I would bring back this series of my heinous drawings with a BANG: why not draw some of my favorite ~celeb~ LGBTQ+ humans?? And that’s exactly what I did.

As usual, I tried my darndest to draw the pictures to be EXACT COPIES of the photographs. Also, as usual, everything went terribly awry.

DISCLAIMER: If any of the people I drew for this post sees these drawings (however unlikely that is) I apologize for making you unrecognizable aliens.

Without further ado, let’s get into this.

Me and Jackie

This is me and my friend Jackie at Boston Pride! So I guess we aren’t ~celebs~ as you would normally think of the word, but when I told Jackie I was drawing her for this post she said that we are, “celebs of our social circle.” I’ll take it, I guess.

Onto the critique. This is a doozy. First of all, I fucked up our legs. Mine look like tree trunks, and Jackie looks like she is flexing the shit out of her calf.

It took me a while to place what Jackie’s face looks like in my drawing, but then it dawned on me: she looks like Smitty Webenjagermanjensen from SpongeBob. Jackie: I’m sorry I made you look like a deceased fish. Smitty: RIP.

 

Smitty.jpg
They’re both #1 in my eyes.

I also managed to make my glasses extra girthy because I kept messing up the shape and trying to fix it, which resulted in some thicc ass frames. I also tried to get fancy with ~color blending~ because I didn’t have an olive colored pen to color in my binder. My solution was to first use a green marker and then blend in some brown marker to make olive. The flaw with this plan is MARKERS DONT FUCKING BLEND. The result I got is green with obvious brown streaks on top. LIT!!!!!

Besides these small flaws, I managed to bring my artistic eye to the picture, meaning that the people in my drawing are still somewhat recognizable. Also, this post is not sponsored by T.J. Maxx or Marshalls, unfortunately. I am a maxxinista, and I could use the sponsorship or at least some free boys size 14 polos (yes I wear boys size clothes I’m smol and dysphoric about it so let’s drop it).

Miley Collage.jpg

Next, I drew my girl Miley on her Wrecking Ball. I’ve got a soft spot for Miley. We named our softball team “The Wrecking Balls” after her timeless classic (we created the team when this reference was still super relevant, but I feel like it still works). Party in the USA got me through some tough times in High School. While she can be problematic, her support of veganism and the LGBTQ+ community is great. Thanks, Miley!

I guess creating a really unflattering drawing of her isn’t the best way to say thanks, but I did my best. I actually think out of all the drawings I did for this post, this one is probably the least bad. Sure the proportions are downright horrid, her head is much flatter and larger than it should be, and her body looks like it’s a Bionicle, but her general essence was captured. Her sad, longing eyes are juxtaposed with her sexual swinging on a giant ball. So ~symbolic~. Also, I think I did her hair pretty good (well, at least good when you’re drawing with a ballpoint pen).

lauren and halsey Collage.jpg

If you haven’t listened to Lauren and Halsey’s new song “Strangers” off of Halsey’s new album: YOU MUST! Not only is it a boppin song, it is SO IMPORTANT! Two bisexual women of color coming together to put out an awesome song about women loving women?!?! SIGN ME THE FUCK UP THAT’s sOME gOOD ShITTT RIGHT THere! If you want to know why this song is super important and amazing, read this article.

So Halsey and Lauren: thank you. Creating a pretty horrible drawing that makes Lauren look like an evil doll from a horror film and Halsey into a Neandertal with a goatee might not be the classic way to give thanks, but it’s all I got.

The picture isn’t all bad. I mean sure, I managed to give Lauren 5 separate chins and an eyebrow the size and shape of Long Island. Sure, I gave Halsey the neck of a linebacker. But you could totally tell it’s them if you saw the picture, right? And look at all the small details I managed to include: Halsey and Lauren’s tattoos, the fashion details (i.e the many holes in both of their outfits. Do you think they planned that?), Halsey’s small beauty mark and jewelry. While these details might not look GREAT per se, they are at least THERE. So, there’s that.

Chase Collage.jpg

Lastly, we have Chase Ross, a trans YouTuber who has helped me in so any ways. His transition and his videos have helped me through such a tough time, helped me understand myself, and also helped me become informed on a variety of issues I was ignorant to.

This drawing is simply unrecognizable. Besides the hair, the drawing just is horrible. Chase: I’m sorry if your eyes are seeing this drawing. This drawing is NOT what you look like.

Also, peep the black earrings I gave him in the picture. Can’t tell in the original photo if those are actually earrings or just the pictures of cats in the background (I’m an idiot).

My dad tried to give me some advice a couple of months ago about drawing noses. He said that most drawings of noses have more to do with shading than with the lines, which is true. However, I apparently decided to take this as “don’t draw any lines”. So the ~minimalist~ nose I gave Chase here looks like he doesn’t have a nose at all, or that his nose was flattened like that guy from Austin Powers who wouldn’t move out of the way in the room of steamrollers.

 

p7pMr6
What a cinematic masterpiece.

 

 

 

I think I overestimated the size of his head while simultaneously making his face too small for the proportions to work out. Will I ever learn how to draw proportions correctly? Leaning towards no. Also, the way I’ve drawn his teeth makes him seem like he only has exactly 5 teeth. It reminds me of those fake hillbilly teeth I would wear as a kid.

 

teeth Collage
Imagine getting a call from your agent saying they got you a job modeling for hillbilly teeth.

 

 

But let’s end on a positive note. What am I PROUD of? This is the ~~~pride~~~ themed post after all. I thrive on making lists, so let’s do just that.

I’m proud of…

  • The hair on all of these drawings. Hair is pretty fucking hard to draw. Go me.
  • The pops of color on these drawings. I bought those markers months ago for the specific purpose of making these drawing blog posts, and I thought I wasted my money because I haven’t posted in so long. 5 dollars well spent.
  • My writing. Personally, I think I’m fucking funny. Hopefully, these posts make people laugh. I hope my other posts on queer issues have helped people as other people’s posts and videos helped me.
  • The fact that I made this post at all. Depression makes things super hard, but I did this anyway. Go me.
  • Myself. Things are kind of shitty, but I’m still working and I’m still constantly trying to understand myself. I’ve also been motivated to get up and do things recently, which is a huge step forward for me. #depressedlife
  • My queer identity. I love being queer. I love being a part of the LGBTQ+ community. I’m so proud of my identity; I wouldn’t change a thing about myself. Love wins.

Hopefully these posts will become a regular thing again because I really enjoy writing them and drawing for them. Stay tuned! Also, please let me know if you want me to draw you because I’m running out of willing participants.

Be proud, stay strong, love wins, and happy pride!

 

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I do horrible drawings 3

Yes, I haven’t posted in months. Do I regret it? Yes. Do I have excuses? Yes. Do I have good excuses? No. Am I asking questions to stall? Perhaps. How can you stall when you are writing? Not sure.

 

I would make some bad excuse like, “UGh I’ve been soOO busy!” But honestly, I really haven’t been that busy. I’m taking easy, senior-spring-semester classes, I only have 1 extra curricular activity, and the majority of my time is taken up re-watching documentaries I’ve already seen and binge-watching Grace and Frankie.

 

So what gives? Why haven’t I posted anything? Well, it seems that I’ve been unhappy for a long time. And for me, being unhappy and being unmotivated to do anything except getting out of bed in the morning go hand in hand.

 

I started to think about what makes me happy and motivated (besides my girlfriend, elbow pasta, and Grace and Frankie). I realized that in the past couple months, what I have wanted to do the most, what I have been motivated to do, is make art and write random shit. But I didn’t do either. Why? I started to feel like I had no talent at either; that I wasn’t good at writing, I wasn’t good at drawing, so what’s the point?

 

And then I remembered something the amazing Bob Ross once said (and by “remembered”, I mean I googled “Bob Ross quotes”): “Talent is a pursued interest. Anything that you’re willing to practice, you can do.” So fuck my toxic inner voice. Fuck being depressed. I’m going to draw, and I’m going to write, even if it sucks ass.

 

So let’s get to sucking that ass.

 

nicole

Believe it or not, I actually made this as a gift for my friend Nicole’s birthday (she’s on the left, her friend Patricia is on the right). Like, I created this with the intent of it being viewed as a gift. Well, it could’ve been better, but it also could’ve been worse, so that’s something! I apparently have taken my “I cant comprehend proportions/depth perception” mindset a step further by completely ignoring their rather large height difference while also miscalculating the distance between them, causing me to make Nicole’s bodice twice it’s actual size.

On this topic of proportions, I messed up the distance between the sides of their heads and their glasses, which forced me to make their eyes literal slits; Nicole’s teeth in this are larger than her eyes. But, like my man Bob Ross said, “We don’t make mistakes, just happy little accidents.” I guess the arm I gave Patricia that is an elephant-trunk-flaccid-peen arm is a “happy accident”!

comparison
Can you spot the difference?

 

On a positive note, peep those hair details (including the pop of color with my new colored pens I bought specifically for these drawings), Nicole’s freckles, the shadow under her nose, and the huge effort I put into filling in their sweatshirts.

eugi

This one of my friend Eugi is probably the worst out of this batch of pictures. Sorry, Eugi. I put so much effort into the teeth that they just look like they belong on a model-skull for a high school anatomy class. I also tried so hard to get the nose right and it ended up just looking like a small woodland mushroom. I gave her a double chin as well, which she doesn’t have in the picture (or in general) so I don’t know what that’s about.

As you all know, hands are my biggest weakness when it comes to drawing, and with this picture it is no different. I really wanted the hands to look good this time, so I spent a long time on one of them (can you guess which one?). I was focused so hard on getting the fingers and the watch right that I forgot about depth perception and proportions (again). Can you guess at what point I got frustrated and just gave up? (Hint: the hand on the left). But honestly, the shirt and elephant designs are really not that bad. Eat your heart out Lilly Pulitzer.

Janet

This is one of those ones that the drawing really looks like the person it is supposed to look like while also really not looking like them at all. You can tell that this drawing is supposed to be Janet while simultaneously thinking, “that is not what Janet looks like.” But it somehow captures her (and Scrappy’s) spirit. Sure, I drew her eyes super far apart so her face is reminiscent of a fish. Sure, her teeth look like dentures. Sure, the proportions are wrong (there is so much empty space on her face??). BUT SOMEHOW IT LOOKS LIKE HER??? Also, Scrappy looks great if I do say so myself.

woman and me

Finally, we have this amazing piece of my mother and I. I kinda feel bad about this one: I literally made my mom look like Jabba the Hutt. The hair is wrong, the wrinkles are much too over-pronounced, and the nose looks like a recorder.

Screen Shot 2017-03-30 at 5.16.48 PM
Weirdly similar, am I right?

The hand is just atrocious. You would think that the aspect I put the most focus and effort into would come out looking the best, right? Instead, it looks like one of those wax hands you can get a fairs that melted a little bit (for future reference, don’t Google image search “melted wax hand” because all you get is a fucking terrifying stock photo).

Halloween theme: on the hand wearing a candle and dripping melted wax on black isolated background
Literally what the fuck.

The drawing I did of myself is not that much better. I somehow made my chin five sizes too big, gave myself hair that looks like uncooked spaghetti, and a nose that looks like the end of a stalk of celery. I was struggling to find positives about this drawing, until I noticed the little details that seem to save every piece: the mole on my neck, the bags under my eyes, and my mom’s scarf tassels.

 

Thanks to this post and these drawings, I’ve been happier and laughing more in the past couple of days than I have in a long time. Like my man Bob Ross said, “I can’t think of anything more rewarding than being able to express yourself to others through painting [editor’s note: let’s pretend he said “drawing”]. Exercising the imagination, experimenting with talents, being creative; these things, to me, are truly the windows to your soul.” Thank you, Bob, for the encouragement from beyond the grave. My window is open for business. So please, if you would like me to draw you (or sculpt! or paint! or make out of macaroni and glue!) please let me know, because this is what keeps me going and happy in an unhappy time of my life. You guys, like Bob, can make me happy.

 

With that, I’m off to watch Storage Wars and eat Oreos (#happyhealthyvegan).

I Do Horrible Drawings 2

Ok guys, I know it has been a minute since I posted last. But you know what? I needed a break! And by ‘break’ I mean a time I dedicate to applying to jobs because I am graduating in 5 months and need a job ya feel? But now, I am back doing things that make me happy, which means I am back at it again with the bad drawings (is the “back at it again” meme still relevant?).

Now before we get to the ~art~, there is something that I have noticed. It almost seems like I am getting better?? At drawing?? Not a lot better or anything, but I am seeing definite improvement. The drawings are still godawful, but there is a slight hint of resemblance between the people I am drawing and the art that I produce. I feel like I capture their vibe kinda? I’m hesitant to say it looks like the person I’m drawing because I don’t want to offend any of these people who I like and know.

I have bittersweet feelings about this slight improvement. On the one hand, it is nice to practice doing something and see results! I am getting better at drawing! Who knew that putting in time and effort would yield positive progression of a skill? But it kinda sucks to see improvement because I feel like the worse the drawings are, the funnier they are. The good news is, I’m not that much better so the drawings are still funny.

bae

Let’s start off by saying this is a picture of me and my love, Rachel. I love her very, very much. So, Rachel: I’m sorry your body proportions look like those of a manatee and your hair looks like you got plugs. But to be honest, the right side of Rachel’s face looks pretty accurate. Sure, the teeth are the same size as her eyes, but the drawing as a whole does capture her essence. I, on the other hand, look like a statue of early man from the Museum of Natural History. In my defense, the jawline used to look normal, but I had made it a bit too chiseled so I tried to round it out. But now it just looks like I have a beard, a banana for lips, and toothbrush bristles for hair.

“Why didn’t you draw in the sides of your glasses?” Rachel asked me.

“Because you can’t see them in the real picture,” I responded. Obviously that was the logical way to go: free-floating circles on my face. ~~~~art~~~~

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I Do Horrible Drawings 1

Hello friends! Today, I am going to be starting a new series on my blog about an activity I really enjoy.

That activity is drawing! I love to draw. It feels like I get to be creative after long hours of academic research and studying. What I can draw is limitless; I feel like a little kid again. Crayons, colored pencils, pen: they all get me going. I go cray for cray pas.

And I can draw anywhere, any time: Airplane? Just give me a napkin and pen, and I’ll create a masterpiece drawing of the man sitting next to me. Relaxing at home? Printer paper and colored pencils I kept from high school can create an awesome forest scene complete with the sun wearing sunglasses (I cant be the only one). Pooping? Drawing pad app gets the job done as I get the job done. Driving? Maybe not.

img_2048-1
No, a five year old didn’t draw this. I did five minutes ago.

There is a catch: I’m not the best drawer. Actually, I’m pretty awful. I would describe my style as “Napoleon Dynamite’s promposal picture”.  I love to draw, but the drawings never come out how I picture them in my mind. It’s like I tell my hand to do one thing, but it goes rogue and does something completely different. The shapes and color combinations I see in my head never quite translate how my brain visualizes. Circles become ovals, hands become clubs or demon claws, and people I love become scary malformed witches.

8456172_orig
I take a lot of inspiration from Napoleon, as you’ll see.

It becomes especially apparent when I draw people, which happens to be my favorite thing to draw. My friends, and myself, think they’re actually pretty funny. So why not put myself out there on the internet for other people to laugh at? The important thing is that my art brings joy and laughter, even if it is because of how unfortunate and awry my drawings go.

So here they are in all their glory. (Keep this in mind: I really am trying to replicate the photos when I draw. I don’t mean to make them bad/weird looking/make my friends look like creatures from the Lord of the Rings).

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