Reading Every Book On My Bookshelf: Twilight

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Art

For those who are unaware, this post is a part of a new series that I am going to be doing on this blog that I explained here. It’s basically a “Julie and Julia” type exercise except instead of remaking recipes, I am re-reading and reviewing books from my bookshelf instead.

This is this official first post of this new series! Sure, the introductory post is one thing. But when you’re depressed, motivating yourself to fulfill goals and actually do the things you say you’re going to do is fucking hard. So honestly, I’m proud of myself for following through, even if this is the only one I do (but I don’t think it will be).

I hinted at the first book in my last post, but for those who were still confused: I started with Twilight by Stephenie Meyer.

I’m still not 100% sure how I am going to structure these posts, so hopefully this goes well.

Let’s get right into the post!

Why I started with Twilight

I’m not really sure why I wanted to start with this one, but ever since I came home from my last year of college, I have had a craving for Twilight like Edward has a craving for Bella (I just died at that simile. That’s the only time I’ll do that lol).

The explanation I have come up with relates to my nostalgia I mentioned in the first post of this series. I started reading these books right around the Twilight heyday of 2007-2008. I would read the entire series over and over and over without getting tired of it.

So reading it now brings back memories of middle school and high school. While those were far from my favorite years, I do have great memories from that time of my life.

I made my very best, lifelong friends. I was actually considered to be above-average intelligence wise. I was playing softball competitively. I could eat anything I wanted and not gain weight or feel like shit after.

My idea of a great Friday night was sitting in my friend’s house eating Gyoza and listening to TGIF.

My concerns were small and unimportant, like whether a boy liked me (he didn’t lol), if my outfit was cool (uggs and basketball shorts ftw), and whether I would dance with anyone at the all-school dance (does swaying awkwardly with my friends as we all tried to look like we were quirky and fun for dancing with each other count?).

When you think about it, coming back from college for the final time and craving my childhood memories or the innocence of simpler times is not all that out of the ordinary.

Perhaps other people would flip through a photo album or talk about old times with high school friends, but I opted for reading Twilight.

Why I Bought the Book In the First Place

Let’s get into the background of this book. We all are aware of the Twilight obsession that swept the nation. Being around 12-13 when this occurred, I was no exception in the craze.

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13 year old me. Yikes. Obviously feeling myself here. peep that lip gloss and the dinosaur figurines in the background.

To put my own obsession into perspective, I went to the midnight premiere of Twilight and I also got the DVD the day it came out to have a Twilight viewing party/sleepover at my house. I tried to find a picture from that night but I couldn’t, although I’m sure it was a rager.

Just to give you an idea of who we are talking about here, I’ve included a couple of pictures of me and my middle school friends (sorry to all of them for rehashing these lost images).

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Check out this SICCCC edit from Picnik
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Another sicc edit featuring my horrendous tank top, a middle school yearbook, and all around great style

I basically followed the trend of the time and really enjoyed it. It was an easy read, I was ‘boy crazy’ (meaning I would constantly pick out random boys in my grade that I “like liked” and my friends and I would create nicknames like “Milky Way” and “Eggwhites” so we could talk about them in public), and it was a generally fine book.

What I Would’ve Rated It Then

Solid 8/10. Would, and did, re-read. As I said, at the time it was a generally OK book with romance and teen angst, both of which I craved. I was not informed on gender and feminist issues, and I had not really read any “good” books besides ones I had read in school.

I was mostly reading dystopian young adult novels where there’s some mysterious illness people named Kai get when they’re born before they go through “The Trials”.

This means that I was blissfully reading through an abusive relationship with a completely unrealistic storyline/love-timeline and taking it as fantastic literature that was normal and acceptable. More on this later.

What I Rate It Now

A reluctant 5/10. The reluctance is that I wish I could rate it lower knowing that it is a shitty message given to young people, but I can’t because of the memories and nostalgia attached to it.

Explaining My Rating

 

Abuse and Sexism

Let’s get into the reasons for the low rating.

Twilight takes us through an abused teen girl’s relationship with her abuser. Now, obviously it is not said that this is what it’s about on the inside cover, but Edward’s manipulation and verbally abusive statements make it hard to see their relationship in any other way besides an abusive one.

The constant descriptions of Edward as perfect seems to gloss over the fact that he controls Bella’s life in almost every way (“Don’t be difficult, Bella”, Edward says in response to Bella not wanting to do something he never even asked her if she wanted to do), that he is insecure, and that he is manipulative.

Emphasizing his perfection places the importance of a person on their looks, telling young people it’s ok if they’re being abused by their partner, as long as they are attractive.

There are many more well-written articles on this topic, so I won’t go into too much detail. But part of the rating reduction is because this book teaches teenagers to not only accept abuse, but to see it as romantic and how real relationships work. That is fucked up, Stephenie Meyer.

I also came across a GEM of a sexist comment right near the end of the book:

“A man and a woman have to be somewhat equal [in a relationship] […] they have to save each other equally” (473-474).

OK WHAT THE FUCK STEPHENIE. First of all, relationships aren’t about SAVING EACH OTHER THAT IS FUCKED UP AND PROMOTES ABUSIVE RELATIONSHIPS.

Secondly, what the fuck is this “somewhat equal” business? Like, they should just be equal??? Not somewhat equal???

Also, Bella at one point asks Jacob if he, “see[s] anything [he] likes” in reference to women. Women are not objects, Bella.

Completely Unrealistic

I understand that realism might not be what you get with a book about vampires. I understand science fiction and fantasy, and that is not what I’m referring to when I say this book is unrealistic.

Their relationship timeline is just complete bullshit. I’m totally unconvinced about their being in love. They basically talk twice before they declare their love and all they talk about is how he is a vampire and how she is a clumsy idiot. Their ‘love’ and relationship just escalate so quickly.

How did I ever think this timeline was normal? Perhaps it was because I was an impressionable teenager who was being taught that this manipulation and rapid infatuation was not only normal, but also desirable! Who knows!

God awful Writing

I’m obviously no George Eliot, but as a writer and a reader, I can spot bad writing when I see it. As I’ve gotten older, written more, and generally become more well-read, I have also come to realize that the writing in Twilight is just awful.

For example, Stephenie cannot seem to find other descriptive words besides “perfect” and “godlike” when it comes to Edward and his vampire squad. Yes, we get it, he’s hot. Move the fuck on Stephenie.

The dialogue is also unrealistic trash that can be summed up in the following interaction:

“”I love you,” [Bella] whispered.

“You are my life now,” [Edward] answered simply,” (314).

WHAT THE FUCK LOL. But seriously who would ever talk like that besides characters on Shonda Rhimes shows after they’ve made a large, unnecessary, metaphorical speech?

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I drew this in high school during the phase when it was cool to make fun of Twilight. Clearly I was a child prodigy.

Why My Rating Isn’t Lower

Even though this book is awful for many reasons, I still love it. Besides the memories it holds, the ridiculous plot, horrible writing, and atrocious dialogue makes it fun to read. I’ve certainly read worse books and there’s still something great about reading a bad book.

To sum up my reading experience, here are most of the notes I took during this re-reading:

  • This is so cringe it’s awful
  • I’m still enjoying it???
  • Bella is an idiot with no personality besides ‘clumsy’
  • Bella thinks she is hot shit for knowing the fucking cell cycle and having already read “Hamlet” and “Wuthering Heights” she is the definition of a “I’m not like other girls” girl
  • Stephenie Meyer is fucked up
  • But I’m still enjoying it?? what the fuck??
  • Describe Alice as a “graceful gazelle” or Edward as a “lion” one more time Stephenie I dare you
  • Bella’s life revolves around Edward which is so appallingly unhealthy
  • Now I want to watch the movie lol #kstew
  • Bella’s decision-making skills are those of a five-year old
  • This book includes the trope of the villain discussing their whole evil plan ultimately resulting in their downfall because they took too long lol
  • I feel bad for laughing at the torture scene but all I can picture is the scene from the movie that was just not well done and involved weird dog noises coming from kstew
  • Why would they make Edward suck out the venom?? Like Carlisle could’ve done it??
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    Pretty accurate portrayal, imo.
  • Describe Edward as perfect one more time I swear to god

Am I Keeping This Book?

In the end, I still like this book. It is definitely a problematic fave of mine. Kind of like how I know the show Friends is homophobic, transphobic, and fatphobic, yet I still like it. I think we all have those books and shows that we both love to hate and hate to love.

Overall, I enjoyed reading this book. Despite the awful writing, the plot holes, and the sexism, I found myself happier when I was done reading. Perhaps I didn’t learn any life lessons or discover a new philosophy, but while I was reading it I laughed and smiled, which is a triumph considering I’m depressed and anxious almost all of the time.

This re-reading taught me that you’re allowed to have favorite things that aren’t what people consider “smart” or “intellectual.” You can have things you like that you don’t have to call your “guilty pleasure.” It’s just something that makes you happy instead of something that makes you happy and ashamed simultaneously. I actually think it is good to have those things in your life.

As someone who studied gender, sociology, and sexuality in college, it is easy to analyze everything to a point where most things are not enjoyable because of the rampant sexism and homophobia.

And obviously it’s important to call out things that are sexist/racist/awful and create new entertainment that doesn’t rely on these things for humor or plot lines.

But sometimes it’s ok to have a problematic fave. Whether it’s Twilight, or Family Guy, or The L Word, let yourself have a pleasure that isn’t a guilty pleasure. Something that you can laugh at and that brings back memories from a different time of your life.

So crucify me if you want for liking this stupid book. Sue me. But I’m sure you can all relate on some level to liking something that is just so bad it’s good (looking at everyone who still thinks Grey’s Anatomy is good after 13 fucking seasons).

All of this being said, I am going to keep this book (I probably won’t keep the rest of the series, but having Twilight lying around is something I’m not ready to give up quite yet). Even though it is problematic and ridiculous, it added (and adds) value to my life.

I know I can return to this book when I need a laugh or to escape from depression, even if it’s just for 20 minutes.

This book was important to me for a long time, and it brings back so many good memories when I read it. It’s a book I’ll likely re-read many times just like I did as a ~tween~.

Conclusions

All in all, I feel like this exercise is actually helping me the way I wanted it to. The reason why I started doing this series in the first place was because of my drive to live as a minimalist.

But living as a minimalist doesn’t mean having 2 shirts and no furniture. It means living with less and having items that add value to your life.

So even though I am keeping this book instead of giving it away, I’m keeping it for the legitimate reason that it adds value to my life (I just remembered that I’m talking about Twilight and died a little bit. Oh well.).

With that, I’m onto the next book. Stay tuned.

 

I do horrible drawings 4: Pride Edition

Hello to my non-existant readers!! How have you been? Probably anxiously awaiting the next installment to this series.

I’ve been alright, thanks for asking. Besides my almost constant anxiety and depression and my intense gender confusion, I’ve been alright. I graduated college, I’m living with my mom, I’ve started working as a real professional ~writer~, and I’m in therapy. Fun stuff.

This month has been especially fun because it is PRIDE MONTH! Rainbows and queers galore. I went to Boston Pride with one of my best friends, and it was great. Being around so many of my people made me feel so validated and happy.

I thought I would bring back this series of my heinous drawings with a BANG: why not draw some of my favorite ~celeb~ LGBTQ+ humans?? And that’s exactly what I did.

As usual, I tried my darndest to draw the pictures to be EXACT COPIES of the photographs. Also, as usual, everything went terribly awry.

DISCLAIMER: If any of the people I drew for this post sees these drawings (however unlikely that is) I apologize for making you unrecognizable aliens.

Without further ado, let’s get into this.

Me and Jackie

This is me and my friend Jackie at Boston Pride! So I guess we aren’t ~celebs~ as you would normally think of the word, but when I told Jackie I was drawing her for this post she said that we are, “celebs of our social circle.” I’ll take it, I guess.

Onto the critique. This is a doozy. First of all, I fucked up our legs. Mine look like tree trunks, and Jackie looks like she is flexing the shit out of her calf.

It took me a while to place what Jackie’s face looks like in my drawing, but then it dawned on me: she looks like Smitty Webenjagermanjensen from SpongeBob. Jackie: I’m sorry I made you look like a deceased fish. Smitty: RIP.

 

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They’re both #1 in my eyes.

I also managed to make my glasses extra girthy because I kept messing up the shape and trying to fix it, which resulted in some thicc ass frames. I also tried to get fancy with ~color blending~ because I didn’t have an olive colored pen to color in my binder. My solution was to first use a green marker and then blend in some brown marker to make olive. The flaw with this plan is MARKERS DONT FUCKING BLEND. The result I got is green with obvious brown streaks on top. LIT!!!!!

Besides these small flaws, I managed to bring my artistic eye to the picture, meaning that the people in my drawing are still somewhat recognizable. Also, this post is not sponsored by T.J. Maxx or Marshalls, unfortunately. I am a maxxinista, and I could use the sponsorship or at least some free boys size 14 polos (yes I wear boys size clothes I’m smol and dysphoric about it so let’s drop it).

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Next, I drew my girl Miley on her Wrecking Ball. I’ve got a soft spot for Miley. We named our softball team “The Wrecking Balls” after her timeless classic (we created the team when this reference was still super relevant, but I feel like it still works). Party in the USA got me through some tough times in High School. While she can be problematic, her support of veganism and the LGBTQ+ community is great. Thanks, Miley!

I guess creating a really unflattering drawing of her isn’t the best way to say thanks, but I did my best. I actually think out of all the drawings I did for this post, this one is probably the least bad. Sure the proportions are downright horrid, her head is much flatter and larger than it should be, and her body looks like it’s a Bionicle, but her general essence was captured. Her sad, longing eyes are juxtaposed with her sexual swinging on a giant ball. So ~symbolic~. Also, I think I did her hair pretty good (well, at least good when you’re drawing with a ballpoint pen).

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If you haven’t listened to Lauren and Halsey’s new song “Strangers” off of Halsey’s new album: YOU MUST! Not only is it a boppin song, it is SO IMPORTANT! Two bisexual women of color coming together to put out an awesome song about women loving women?!?! SIGN ME THE FUCK UP THAT’s sOME gOOD ShITTT RIGHT THere! If you want to know why this song is super important and amazing, read this article.

So Halsey and Lauren: thank you. Creating a pretty horrible drawing that makes Lauren look like an evil doll from a horror film and Halsey into a Neandertal with a goatee might not be the classic way to give thanks, but it’s all I got.

The picture isn’t all bad. I mean sure, I managed to give Lauren 5 separate chins and an eyebrow the size and shape of Long Island. Sure, I gave Halsey the neck of a linebacker. But you could totally tell it’s them if you saw the picture, right? And look at all the small details I managed to include: Halsey and Lauren’s tattoos, the fashion details (i.e the many holes in both of their outfits. Do you think they planned that?), Halsey’s small beauty mark and jewelry. While these details might not look GREAT per se, they are at least THERE. So, there’s that.

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Lastly, we have Chase Ross, a trans YouTuber who has helped me in so any ways. His transition and his videos have helped me through such a tough time, helped me understand myself, and also helped me become informed on a variety of issues I was ignorant to.

This drawing is simply unrecognizable. Besides the hair, the drawing just is horrible. Chase: I’m sorry if your eyes are seeing this drawing. This drawing is NOT what you look like.

Also, peep the black earrings I gave him in the picture. Can’t tell in the original photo if those are actually earrings or just the pictures of cats in the background (I’m an idiot).

My dad tried to give me some advice a couple of months ago about drawing noses. He said that most drawings of noses have more to do with shading than with the lines, which is true. However, I apparently decided to take this as “don’t draw any lines”. So the ~minimalist~ nose I gave Chase here looks like he doesn’t have a nose at all, or that his nose was flattened like that guy from Austin Powers who wouldn’t move out of the way in the room of steamrollers.

 

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What a cinematic masterpiece.

 

 

 

I think I overestimated the size of his head while simultaneously making his face too small for the proportions to work out. Will I ever learn how to draw proportions correctly? Leaning towards no. Also, the way I’ve drawn his teeth makes him seem like he only has exactly 5 teeth. It reminds me of those fake hillbilly teeth I would wear as a kid.

 

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Imagine getting a call from your agent saying they got you a job modeling for hillbilly teeth.

 

 

But let’s end on a positive note. What am I PROUD of? This is the ~~~pride~~~ themed post after all. I thrive on making lists, so let’s do just that.

I’m proud of…

  • The hair on all of these drawings. Hair is pretty fucking hard to draw. Go me.
  • The pops of color on these drawings. I bought those markers months ago for the specific purpose of making these drawing blog posts, and I thought I wasted my money because I haven’t posted in so long. 5 dollars well spent.
  • My writing. Personally, I think I’m fucking funny. Hopefully, these posts make people laugh. I hope my other posts on queer issues have helped people as other people’s posts and videos helped me.
  • The fact that I made this post at all. Depression makes things super hard, but I did this anyway. Go me.
  • Myself. Things are kind of shitty, but I’m still working and I’m still constantly trying to understand myself. I’ve also been motivated to get up and do things recently, which is a huge step forward for me. #depressedlife
  • My queer identity. I love being queer. I love being a part of the LGBTQ+ community. I’m so proud of my identity; I wouldn’t change a thing about myself. Love wins.

Hopefully these posts will become a regular thing again because I really enjoy writing them and drawing for them. Stay tuned! Also, please let me know if you want me to draw you because I’m running out of willing participants.

Be proud, stay strong, love wins, and happy pride!

 

I do horrible drawings 3

Yes, I haven’t posted in months. Do I regret it? Yes. Do I have excuses? Yes. Do I have good excuses? No. Am I asking questions to stall? Perhaps. How can you stall when you are writing? Not sure.

 

I would make some bad excuse like, “UGh I’ve been soOO busy!” But honestly, I really haven’t been that busy. I’m taking easy, senior-spring-semester classes, I only have 1 extra curricular activity, and the majority of my time is taken up re-watching documentaries I’ve already seen and binge-watching Grace and Frankie.

 

So what gives? Why haven’t I posted anything? Well, it seems that I’ve been unhappy for a long time. And for me, being unhappy and being unmotivated to do anything except getting out of bed in the morning go hand in hand.

 

I started to think about what makes me happy and motivated (besides my girlfriend, elbow pasta, and Grace and Frankie). I realized that in the past couple months, what I have wanted to do the most, what I have been motivated to do, is make art and write random shit. But I didn’t do either. Why? I started to feel like I had no talent at either; that I wasn’t good at writing, I wasn’t good at drawing, so what’s the point?

 

And then I remembered something the amazing Bob Ross once said (and by “remembered”, I mean I googled “Bob Ross quotes”): “Talent is a pursued interest. Anything that you’re willing to practice, you can do.” So fuck my toxic inner voice. Fuck being depressed. I’m going to draw, and I’m going to write, even if it sucks ass.

 

So let’s get to sucking that ass.

 

nicole

Believe it or not, I actually made this as a gift for my friend Nicole’s birthday (she’s on the left, her friend Patricia is on the right). Like, I created this with the intent of it being viewed as a gift. Well, it could’ve been better, but it also could’ve been worse, so that’s something! I apparently have taken my “I cant comprehend proportions/depth perception” mindset a step further by completely ignoring their rather large height difference while also miscalculating the distance between them, causing me to make Nicole’s bodice twice it’s actual size.

On this topic of proportions, I messed up the distance between the sides of their heads and their glasses, which forced me to make their eyes literal slits; Nicole’s teeth in this are larger than her eyes. But, like my man Bob Ross said, “We don’t make mistakes, just happy little accidents.” I guess the arm I gave Patricia that is an elephant-trunk-flaccid-peen arm is a “happy accident”!

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Can you spot the difference?

 

On a positive note, peep those hair details (including the pop of color with my new colored pens I bought specifically for these drawings), Nicole’s freckles, the shadow under her nose, and the huge effort I put into filling in their sweatshirts.

eugi

This one of my friend Eugi is probably the worst out of this batch of pictures. Sorry, Eugi. I put so much effort into the teeth that they just look like they belong on a model-skull for a high school anatomy class. I also tried so hard to get the nose right and it ended up just looking like a small woodland mushroom. I gave her a double chin as well, which she doesn’t have in the picture (or in general) so I don’t know what that’s about.

As you all know, hands are my biggest weakness when it comes to drawing, and with this picture it is no different. I really wanted the hands to look good this time, so I spent a long time on one of them (can you guess which one?). I was focused so hard on getting the fingers and the watch right that I forgot about depth perception and proportions (again). Can you guess at what point I got frustrated and just gave up? (Hint: the hand on the left). But honestly, the shirt and elephant designs are really not that bad. Eat your heart out Lilly Pulitzer.

Janet

This is one of those ones that the drawing really looks like the person it is supposed to look like while also really not looking like them at all. You can tell that this drawing is supposed to be Janet while simultaneously thinking, “that is not what Janet looks like.” But it somehow captures her (and Scrappy’s) spirit. Sure, I drew her eyes super far apart so her face is reminiscent of a fish. Sure, her teeth look like dentures. Sure, the proportions are wrong (there is so much empty space on her face??). BUT SOMEHOW IT LOOKS LIKE HER??? Also, Scrappy looks great if I do say so myself.

woman and me

Finally, we have this amazing piece of my mother and I. I kinda feel bad about this one: I literally made my mom look like Jabba the Hutt. The hair is wrong, the wrinkles are much too over-pronounced, and the nose looks like a recorder.

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Weirdly similar, am I right?

The hand is just atrocious. You would think that the aspect I put the most focus and effort into would come out looking the best, right? Instead, it looks like one of those wax hands you can get a fairs that melted a little bit (for future reference, don’t Google image search “melted wax hand” because all you get is a fucking terrifying stock photo).

Halloween theme: on the hand wearing a candle and dripping melted wax on black isolated background
Literally what the fuck.

The drawing I did of myself is not that much better. I somehow made my chin five sizes too big, gave myself hair that looks like uncooked spaghetti, and a nose that looks like the end of a stalk of celery. I was struggling to find positives about this drawing, until I noticed the little details that seem to save every piece: the mole on my neck, the bags under my eyes, and my mom’s scarf tassels.

 

Thanks to this post and these drawings, I’ve been happier and laughing more in the past couple of days than I have in a long time. Like my man Bob Ross said, “I can’t think of anything more rewarding than being able to express yourself to others through painting [editor’s note: let’s pretend he said “drawing”]. Exercising the imagination, experimenting with talents, being creative; these things, to me, are truly the windows to your soul.” Thank you, Bob, for the encouragement from beyond the grave. My window is open for business. So please, if you would like me to draw you (or sculpt! or paint! or make out of macaroni and glue!) please let me know, because this is what keeps me going and happy in an unhappy time of my life. You guys, like Bob, can make me happy.

 

With that, I’m off to watch Storage Wars and eat Oreos (#happyhealthyvegan).

I Do Horrible Drawings 2

Ok guys, I know it has been a minute since I posted last. But you know what? I needed a break! And by ‘break’ I mean a time I dedicate to applying to jobs because I am graduating in 5 months and need a job ya feel? But now, I am back doing things that make me happy, which means I am back at it again with the bad drawings (is the “back at it again” meme still relevant?).

Now before we get to the ~art~, there is something that I have noticed. It almost seems like I am getting better?? At drawing?? Not a lot better or anything, but I am seeing definite improvement. The drawings are still godawful, but there is a slight hint of resemblance between the people I am drawing and the art that I produce. I feel like I capture their vibe kinda? I’m hesitant to say it looks like the person I’m drawing because I don’t want to offend any of these people who I like and know.

I have bittersweet feelings about this slight improvement. On the one hand, it is nice to practice doing something and see results! I am getting better at drawing! Who knew that putting in time and effort would yield positive progression of a skill? But it kinda sucks to see improvement because I feel like the worse the drawings are, the funnier they are. The good news is, I’m not that much better so the drawings are still funny.

bae

Let’s start off by saying this is a picture of me and my love, Rachel. I love her very, very much. So, Rachel: I’m sorry your body proportions look like those of a manatee and your hair looks like you got plugs. But to be honest, the right side of Rachel’s face looks pretty accurate. Sure, the teeth are the same size as her eyes, but the drawing as a whole does capture her essence. I, on the other hand, look like a statue of early man from the Museum of Natural History. In my defense, the jawline used to look normal, but I had made it a bit too chiseled so I tried to round it out. But now it just looks like I have a beard, a banana for lips, and toothbrush bristles for hair.

“Why didn’t you draw in the sides of your glasses?” Rachel asked me.

“Because you can’t see them in the real picture,” I responded. Obviously that was the logical way to go: free-floating circles on my face. ~~~~art~~~~

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I Do Horrible Drawings 1

Hello friends! Today, I am going to be starting a new series on my blog about an activity I really enjoy.

That activity is drawing! I love to draw. It feels like I get to be creative after long hours of academic research and studying. What I can draw is limitless; I feel like a little kid again. Crayons, colored pencils, pen: they all get me going. I go cray for cray pas.

And I can draw anywhere, any time: Airplane? Just give me a napkin and pen, and I’ll create a masterpiece drawing of the man sitting next to me. Relaxing at home? Printer paper and colored pencils I kept from high school can create an awesome forest scene complete with the sun wearing sunglasses (I cant be the only one). Pooping? Drawing pad app gets the job done as I get the job done. Driving? Maybe not.

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No, a five year old didn’t draw this. I did five minutes ago.

There is a catch: I’m not the best drawer. Actually, I’m pretty awful. I would describe my style as “Napoleon Dynamite’s promposal picture”.  I love to draw, but the drawings never come out how I picture them in my mind. It’s like I tell my hand to do one thing, but it goes rogue and does something completely different. The shapes and color combinations I see in my head never quite translate how my brain visualizes. Circles become ovals, hands become clubs or demon claws, and people I love become scary malformed witches.

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I take a lot of inspiration from Napoleon, as you’ll see.

It becomes especially apparent when I draw people, which happens to be my favorite thing to draw. My friends, and myself, think they’re actually pretty funny. So why not put myself out there on the internet for other people to laugh at? The important thing is that my art brings joy and laughter, even if it is because of how unfortunate and awry my drawings go.

So here they are in all their glory. (Keep this in mind: I really am trying to replicate the photos when I draw. I don’t mean to make them bad/weird looking/make my friends look like creatures from the Lord of the Rings).

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