y’all i just felt like complaining today!!
also!!! this can apply to other trans people besides trans guys but this is from my personal experience as a trans guy!!!!! let’s get into the shitstorm that is my life
1. Going to the gynecologist
this is the fucking worst. as a trans guy, the last thing I want to be made aware of is the fact that i have a fucking cooter. And going to the gyno not only means that i am made aware of this fact, I also have to deal with a (probably) cishet person just diving in with no warning!!
I also usually cry at the gyno because of all this and it always just makes the doctor uncomfortable. So, that sucks.
also, I have to sit in the waiting room with all (probably) cis women.
and THEN!!!! I have to fucking deal with my health insurance saying they won’t cover my care because the service is inconsistent with a male gender marker. so much shitty stuff going down in one doctor’s visit!!! (don’t even get me started on how much it sucks to go to the doctor)
2. The fucking sun
this can apply to all those who bind. While the summer is awesome for many reasons, it also means that i get so INCREDIBLY sweaty because I have to wear a binder all day in the hot sun. It feels like I’m wearing a corset that gets instantly soaked with sweat and makes it harder for me to breathe and also make me heat up quickly and sweat through my shirt the instant I step outside.
and the times I just can’t deal with overheating and sweating through my clothes in 10 minutes and decide to just wear a sports bra, I feel like I want to die. Not because of the heat, but because oh my god everyone can see my chest am I even passing anymore I’m totally not everyone is going to clock me now am I safe am I in danger I hate myself I hate my body I would rather be close to heat stroke than deal with this
3. having NO MONEY
news flash: BEING TRANS IS SO FUCKING EXPENSIVE!!!!
one of the cheaper binders: $33
having more than one binder: $33 x 3
monthly doctor appointments: $25
monthly blood tests: $35
clothes to affirm gender: a fucking lot
clothes as I grow out of my old ones as I medically transition: a lot more $$$
cheap packer: $20
expensive packer: $60+
sex stuff so I don’t feel like I want to die when I use my body: $$$a$$lot$$
therapy: $50 per session weekly
top surgery: $9000+
needles and needle disposal: !!!$$$$!!!!
name change: $200+
new license: $50
new birth certificate: A LOT!!!!!
fuckton of other forms you have to change: SO MUCH!$$$$
~~~~~bye bye money~~~~
4. talking to people on the phone
LOVE!!!!! being outed by my voice. tight!!!!!
5. the gym
i’m short and not muscular and can’t bind at the gym so it sucks. I want to go and be fit and build muscle but I also hate not binding and being around hulking men!!!
also there’s the issue of changing in the dressing room. how do i hide my body? where can i go? if I’m not passing, I don’t want to get yelled at by some homophobic/transphobic old man and I DEFINITELY don’t want to be fucking attacked or killed if someone clocks me you feel?
6. fucking SHOTS
yes there are other ways to take testosterone but referring back to BEING TRANS IS FUCKING EXPENSIVE shots are the cheapest way to get T!!!
SO THAT MEANS I HAVE TO GIVE MYSELF A SHOT EVERY WEEK!! MY ONE FEAR!! IN LIFE!! IS SHOTS!! AND NEEDLES!!!!!!!
so to be the person I really am I have to fucking plunge a needle into my own leg?? this also means I have a great 2 hour long anxiety attack in my bathroom where I sweat and go through 5 different alcohol wipes because i chicken out every time and i keep pricking my skin but then not putting it all the way in and then have to switch legs and then still not do it so i go back to the first leg and then finally LITERALLY dissociate and then i can finally do it
7. MY BACK HURTS ALL THE FUCKING TIME
binding. fucking HURTS my back. I’m 100% certain that I am going to have back problems probably for life but there’s nothing i can do??
sometimes I have trouble taking deep breaths in?? sometimes (a lot of the time) I overheat?? sometimes my ribs hurt???
but guess what!!! i can’t not bind!! can’t wait have back problems for life and still have tits because i can’t get top surgery cuz I can’t afford it :))))))
let’s end this by saying how fucking grateful I am to have health insurance and have the ability to transition safely with the support of my friends and family! body posi :))))))